shopping

Shopping for clothes to a wedding sucks when your fat. There's nothin like squeezing into a weird pair of oddly fitting clothing that feels strange cause you never dress up. I now understand why the morbidly obese just where the same thing everyday and don't leave the house. Wearing sneakers with holes in them to work everyday for the past ten years has really kinda changed my feel for clothes. I used to love to throw on a suit for work or a party. Twenty pounds later and I feel like I should stay in bed, when I stop breathing they could cut apart the door frame and drag my dead body out with a winch and crane. Stick me in a piano and I'm done. There used to be a guy in the Guinness book when I was a kid whose claim to fame was fattest man and the big catch was that when he died there wasn't anything big enough to bury him in so they retro fitted a piano to bury him in......nice.....So this weekend I'm off to figure it all out. When I lived in Seattle it would have been a simple trip to a nice men's shop who would have sold me the suit, fitted it and sent me on my way. Ever try to shop in New Hampshire? I suppose if your looking for overalls or some kind of cold weather contractors outfit, well then your all set. There aren't a lot of suits in this state. Everyone is always like, "hey head up to the Kittery outlets"......ya that's what I want to do, shop at an outlet where nothing fits cause I'm like two feet tall with a five foot waist and no one is there to help you or offer tailoring........Outlets, super idea!......classy too.......